Alisa: Hey Cra...Oh! BYU Purchasing and Travel. This is Alisa

Morgan: "When I saw my baby the first time on an ultrasound, I cried. John, you are going to cry when you see your baby for the first time on an ultrasound."

Jared: "He won't cry. He's a man, and men only feel manly emotions. Like, the desire to eat steak. And that feeling that you get when you see a tree, and you just want to cut it down."

Kristen: "Guys don't normally differentiate between face & body wash."

Jared" We just use toothpaste for everything. Doesn't work too well. Especially in sensitive areas."

Serene: "I'm helping Santa stop the Mayan apocalypse!"

Alisa: "It's a tradition. I did it last year."

Alisa: "That's on my bucket list too. But I don't know if I want to keep it there."

Alisa: "Anyone know when Kett left?"
Jared: "Kett the travel agent? Or Kett Johannesburg? Because I know when Kett Johannesburg left--he was never here."

Jared: "The website is not true. For cryin' out loud, I typed in the name of the talk AND the person that gave it and it was the 5th one down. Whereas Google, you "Hey, I'm thinking about _____" and they say, "We got it! We even e-mailed it to you!"

Serene: "I hate when people ask me what I want to do with my life."
Alisa: "I know... I just want to pet puppies."

Jared: "I woke up, and I was like 'That's a straight-up ghost'" (in a casual voice).

Jared: "I'm learning facts about Brigham Young, which is kinda like learning facts about Chuck Norris."

John: "Life is a race."
Jared: "No, life is a highway."

Jared: "Marriage?! No. Let's look at the reality of the situation. You're strong. You're fertile."

Serene: "He's lactose."
Liz: "There's milk in pizza?"
Serene: "There's cheese..."
Liz: "Oh, gosh... This is going to be a long day."

Alisa: "Well, they don't have delicate snores, either."

John: "It's a good thing tomorrow is Pay Day. I've been having to choose between food and textbooks."

John: "The Lord looketh upon the heart, and so did Oliver Cowdery!"
Serene: "John, it scares me how good of a pedophile you would be."

John: "Then, this missionary accidentally prayed to me."
Scott: "Did you give him anything he asked for?"

Scott: "Are you familiar with the base-10 number system?"

Scott: "Yeah, sorry. There's no such thing as a BYU cruise. You should ask your brother why he's such a liar."

Jared: "Sorry, ma'am. I'm just a cog in the machine."

John: "Sorry ma'am. Just a foible in our system."

Serene (talking to someone on the phone): "Well, sir, that's because you haven't finished Step 1. They call it Step 2 for a reason."

Scott Parker (answering a phone): "Purchasing & Travel. What is your relationship with your father?"